Tuesday, May 29, 2012
K what made you change? J
J has to travel through time to save K's life. In this travel, he meets the young K. And every once in a while J wonders out loud what happened to K to change him so. K when hearing this always says I don't know it hasn't happened yet.
I won't spoil the movie for you by telling you what changed, but it got me wondering about those external circumstances that really change us. What are the those times and places that caused changes in me because of the circumstances I found myself in.
One of those times was the birth of my son. I didn't truly understand love until there was this precious child in my life utterly and totally dependent on me whose smile or disappointment could change my day. It is amazing the things you start worrying about. It amazing how the smallest thing bring joy and the pain of another can cause your own heart to hurt. To truly love someone, helps you see the world differently.
Another time of transformation was going through my divorce. I had lost myself in my marriage. It seemed as if who I was as a person wasn't liked. I came from a family that teased and joked with each other and married someone who didn't like to be teased. So I stopped. He didn't like my being able to logically win an argument, so I stopped. He didn't like my extended family, so I went by myself. Life became very serious. My desire to please people had helped me to lose those parts of myself that I liked. After we split and I stopped crying, it was like a weight had lifted and I started smiling and laughing a lot more. But I could relate to K and having lost the ability to have fun. I had let go of myself in my desire to please another and the very things that caused us to fall in love were the things we learned to want to change in each other.
I think there are times when circumstances force us to change. There are time that are just tough: the loss of a child, the loss of a job, a war, a death, a life transition. In those times, how do we let the circumstances help us to change in a way that doesn't cause us to close away parts of ourselves. The movie doesn't really answer that question. For when you are caught in the loss you may not even realize you have changed. And its when you do realize that you have changed you have to reflect on whether this is for the better or for the worst. If for the better, allow the change to grow in you. If for the worse, reflect on what brought you here. Give it to God. Give it to God again. Give it to God continually as you relearn those lost parts of you. Start by reconnecting with what brought you pleasure as a child. And when you slip back into the new pattern, Give it to God again and rediscover your bliss.
Share with me your changes, good and bad.