A Eulogy for a Pastor, My Dad

Our Scripture today speaks of seeds being sown. Seeds that grow in places challenging, hostile, and abundant. Seeds that are scattered extravagantly never know how they will grow. Small seed that grow into large trees to shelter others. When we look back at the life of a person we love, I like to look for the seeds. The seeds they have sown that we can continue to sow.

At the end of one’s life one begins to share the stories that tell about your life. Stories that share what you learned that defined your life.

1.              One of the seeds dad shared with us was that how people define you is not the last word.

When my dad was little he was run over by a truck/tractor on the farm. He almost died that day, week. When grandma spoke about that time she talked about how they didn’t think he would make it, but she wouldn’t give up. And he survived. Every day he lived after that accident was a gift.

As a child people didn’t consider dad book smart. With the accident, combined with the fact that they didn’t know he needed glasses and had dyslexia made school a challenge. People didn’t expect much from dad in school work. But he had no word for it or how to cope with the dyslexia. It wasn’t diagnosed until he was in seminary. In the midst of learning Hebrew and Greek, reading the Neigburs and Jesus. He learned to be someone that wasn’t expected and those visions people had of him weren’t the end of the story. He learned to be a pastor despite a disability, despite the vision people had of him. When they told him how to preach with a written text he knew that was an option. So he usually had a paper with 3 or 4 words, word to remind him where he was going. He learned to tell stories. He was a captivating preacher. Although sitting at our dinner table after worship you may not have known we all thought he was better than the other people we had heard, because we pushed him and challenged him and debated his points. I learned to preach from him. I found a script limiting and knew if dad could get up and speak from the heart I could too.

One of the stories dad shared in his last years was of beating people up. He would talk about during his younger year getting in to fights with people. My sister asked me why does he tell that story over and over. He would speak about protecting some of the weaker kids. The ones who got picked on. Dad being a linebacker and a farm kid meant he was very strong and big. He could scare and intimidate people. I told her he has forgot the punch line. He remembers the important point. He remembers when he decided to change his life and so he tells that part of the story, but doesn’t share the outcome. One time for a paper in seminary I sat down and asked dad to tell me his call story. He told me there was one time when he got is a fight. He was so angry he felt like he could beat him to death. He decided at that point to change. To not be controlled by his anger. Although he taught all of us to stick up for the lost, the least and the last. To defend the outcast. Giving up fighting set him on the path to change his life. While others remember the kid who got into fight, he became a minister. Although grandma though it should have been his older brother Bill. So one seed to remember is the worst thing about you, the thing that challenges you the most, does not define who you will be.

2.              The next seed I want to talk about is that we should laugh, play games, and enjoy life.

As a family we have always played games. Card games, board games, touch football. But games in my family were unusual. Some of us were competitive, but not dad. He just enjoyed being together and didn’t have to win. After Gene and I got old enough it was either him or I who usually won. But the winning was really less important than the time we spent together laughing and teasing each other. Our family could have the lowest scrabble score. We rarely got over a hundred points. But during this time we teased each other, spent time together. He taught this to his grand kids. The years Reed and I lived with Dad we spent time after dinner playing games. Even on his last visit we played games with dad. Dad, Uncle Hen and Arnold would gather all of us for a game of touch football. They would divide us kids by size and skill. There could be ten to a side depending on how many of us were around. We spent many hours on Grandmas lawn chasing each other, tackling each other, laughing with each other.

I can’t fail to mention is enjoyment of the Green Bay Packers and westerns.

Dad taught us how to tease each other. I should say this joy I was not always that good at. He loved to tease us. Although often left his sensitive daughter out. He taught me how to laugh with others, to bring them into the group with laughter. The poor people who dated us, had to learn to be teased. For if you looked at the slide show you can see a twinkle in Dad and Henry’s eyes in many of those picture. You just know that they did something to their sisters. Their favorite target was my Aunt Thelma. Even the last time he saw Thelma, he knew just what to say to get under her skin and take them all back to 5^th grade.

While Dad was a typical minister from the 70s, that meant he gave his life to the church. One of his regrets in life was not spending more time with us when we were growing up. He gave his life to the call, but what we remember is the vacations we took. We went camping a lot. For we had to either head to Texas to visit Mom’s family or Connecticut to visit Dad’s family. On the way we would visit every civil was battlefield, every museum, and lots of camp grounds. We spent many a night around the camp fire asking for stories. We all life about the trip with not one but multiple flat tires both the car and the camper. He met each of us where we needed him to be. If my sister went missing we knew she had made her way into the church to hang out under dad’s desk. With Gene he played strategic games. With me he talked about the serious stuff, taught me to tell stories and enjoy the arts.

3. Another seed dad taught us is the dinner table is the time to debate politics and religion. Yes, in our house we spoke of the things you weren’t supposed to bring up. We learned early to challenge the political leaders of the day. We were to think about why things were happening and how the events happening were impacting the lives of others. Even as he was lost in the fog of Alzheimer’s if he saw Trump he could tell you about how horrible he was, how he was hurting so many people, and wonder how anyone could vote for him knowing that he was putting babies in cages.

Dad’s politics grew out of his faith. There were four stories that each of kids would tell you about faith.

We always to this day if asked what it is to be a Christian will say Love the Lord your God with all your heart mind, and strength and love you neighbor as yourself. We knew we were called to care for our neighbors. He showed us this with every person he helped, every call he took even when he was supposed to be picking us up from school. He showed us our neighbors were included those that society left behind. Here is the Huntly area he start  …                     which was a program to provide services for the elderly that they can no longer do for themselves. I don’t know how many women ministers I have met who have told me about how dad saw them, listened to them, took them seriously, supported them. When other men were mansplaining dad was taking women seriously. He taught us from a young age that everyone was a neighbor. He tried to teach us to be anti-racist.

Around our camp fire we heard the story of Moses, Daniel and Ruth. We learned that even us imperfect people can change the world. From Moses we heard that even if you don’t feel confident in what you are called to do we can overcome the evil in front of us. We learned that through hard time we can survive lions without losing our integrity. We can challenge power. We can join a new people and be loyal to our chosen family.

4. One of dad’s passions in ministry was church camp. I remember our trips to Moon Beach in Wisconsin and the time we spent and Pilgrim Park. Dad loved camp. Camp showed that faith could be fun. We laughed, sang, built fires, did crafts, danced, did skits, played games (blob) and learned about faith. I have heard from people who met Dad and camp and had their lives changed and became ministers because of these encounters. My own call story goes through Pilgrim Park. Dad led all typed of camps. He helped to start the confirmation camp. He led many a bike camp and knows where the best ice cream shops along the way for a rest break. What minister doesn’t want camp mostly done in one week. I heard stories of him becoming John the Baptist at the pond. Hair suit and all. And what you all remember him for is his snoring. He could snore. He had to be away from all the campers, with a cabin in between for people to be able to sleep. For us kids, those first nights away from home were always hard to sleep because we missed the constant rumble.

The final seed I want to talk about is love. My mom and dad met in Wisconsin. He from Connecticut and she from California. They met in Ashland Wisconsin at Northland College. They were together for 58 years. They loved traveling. After we left they had many adventures together traveling to Europe, Alaska, Hawaii and different bus trips around the states. Dad and Mom made it to every state in America. In the last week of his life. He told the doctor she took good care of him. She said he called her the boss. He teased her even at the end.

When we think of Dan, remember his seeds, remember what he has sown and use those seeds in your life. Share those seeds with those you encounter.